I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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