i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
