when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
