So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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