All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
