DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
