Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I had to cum in my sink.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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