I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
