Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
