I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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