her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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