i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Mom said you looked used
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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