i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
