walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
