It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
