he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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