Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
