he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
