i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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