It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
