it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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