the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
