This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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