I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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