cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
