Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
