in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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