Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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