We won't sleep together?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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