Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
