Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
