Kiss
Puke
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
