i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
