I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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