sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
