today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
