yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
