I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
