My underwear smells like fireworks.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
