I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
