Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
