I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
