Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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