hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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