I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
