Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
