spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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