I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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