Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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