OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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