I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
