So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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