i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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