Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
