we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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