So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
