3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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